when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
