Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
