Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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