i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
