So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
