you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
