is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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