We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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