Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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