He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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