You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
