I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
