I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
