After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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