well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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