Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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