i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
