Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
