I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
