Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
