I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Apparently you make a good broom.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
