we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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