Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
