Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
