I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
