So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
