I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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