you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
