Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
