I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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