The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize