u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
