so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
