It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I need water and some morals
Randomize
