it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
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Don't EVER smell your tampon
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
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she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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