He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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