some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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