she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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