You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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