I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
