DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize