I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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