Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
