i jhust puked up my retainher.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
where does the pee come out of this thing
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
