My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Your dad touched me again.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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