I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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