So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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