You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
