marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
