boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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