I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
