i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
