what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
