Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
