I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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