JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You were trust falling into bushes
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
