coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
