So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
