Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
