I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
