The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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