so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
