hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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