Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
