He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
