i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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