He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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