I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize