watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
