so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There's always time for handjobs
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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