hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
