I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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