My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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