How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
