I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
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I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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