is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
