how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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