Who wears a wallet chain?!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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