If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
